R.I.P Daul Kim

RUSSH magazine’s latest cover girl, model Daul Kim, was found dead in her Paris apartment this morning.

The Korean beauty penned a blog, I Like To Fork Myself,  in which her last post was eerily titled ‘say hi to forever’.

Her cause of death hasn’t yet been released to the media, but a source at The Cut  has revealed that it was suicide.

Her modeling agency Next, released the following statement: ”She was a top model and a great friend to all of us at Next. Please respect her family’s privacy at this time of sadness. We will all miss her very much.” In her profile in RUSSH, when she is asked what is next and what she is excited about, she simply replies “I want happiness.”

My heart plummeted when I read this. I knew of her blog and had seen a few of her other editorials. Depression does not discriminate. She may have had success, money, a high profiled career and looks but in the end it just does not matter.

My prayers are with her family and friends who are, without a doubt, in utter shock and pain over this tragedy.

She was 20 years old.

xxx

Twilight Mania

The past two days I haven’t been able to turn on the tv/radio or looked at a magazine/newspaper/online without hearing about Twilight. And all the neurotic debates that it’s raising. Bella is a bad role model. Edward is emotionally abusive. The series is anti-feminist. And oh god, what about the children?! So I thought I’d be totally original and jump on the Twilight train and share my own 2 cents.

I first heard about the books when I was living in LA and a teenage girl I worked with told me about them. That even though they were technically ‘young adult’ fiction, because I loved vampires I’d enjoy reading them. (Rob Pattinson actually mentioned in an interview that he never realized there was this sub-culture of people who would watch or read anything that featured vampires. I’m guilty of this. Oops.)

I devoured the first three books. I remember reading online when they cast Kristen Stewart in the film version and thinking it was a good idea as I’d just seen Into The Wild and thought she’d be gorgeous in this totally sullen, ‘I don’t realize I’m pretty’ kinda way. Something to do with the stoned look in her eyes and downturned mouth. Anyways, I remember buying Breaking Dawn, the last book, the day it came out and even though it was my least favourite book in the series, I read it in like two days.

The thing that bugs me is that I cannot work out if I am a fan or not. I hate and love it at the same time. Allow me to illuminate…

I rolled my eyes and cringed as I read Stephanie Meyer’s words because it is written so god damn terribly. The dialogue is awful. The descriptions are shocking. The whole thing is just a perfect example of bad writing. I hated that the author used it as a vehicle to push her morals of abstinence and no-sex-before-marriage on the characters. I found Edward totally boring. And I hated Bella. She was needy, clingy, weak and immature. She frets Edward is going to think she’s too old. As she is turning 18! Never mind the logistics of him being 100 odd years and falling in love with a teenager. Or the fact that I like my vampires to do what they are meant to do, which is suck the blood from the living and burst into flame when exposed to sunlight, not to look like they’ve been dipped into a bowl full of glitter. And yet…

The books are aimed at teenagers. Not saying that all young adult fiction doesn’t need to be well written, but it was never an exercise in literary feats. The fact that so many grown women love the series tells me that it is the love story that draws people in, not the writing. The whole star-crossed, doomed lovers, the boy and girl from the wrong side of the tracks, the universal ‘I love you but we can’t be together’ saga. Classic romantic fiction that has been around since before the written word.

Everyone is all up in arms about Bella’s inability to live without her man, how she isn’t a strong female figure. But at the same time, it reminds you of your own teenage first love and how everything literally feels like life and death. How when you’re really just at the whims of your hormones you probably are willing to sacrifice your family and friends just to be with him.

Maybe the reason it resonates so well with older audiences is just that. There haven’t been any modern day retellings of the fairytale damsel in distress that needs her man to rescue her simply because in today’s world, it is too unrealistic. But just because women do not need a partner to complete us, It doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate a little tale about soul mates or true love or whatever. Twilight serves as a medium for total escapism. Where there are no responsibilities, just a good, old fashioned star crossed lovers plot where it is an impossible struggle for the characters to be together.

If your little sister is a fan and starts believing that she needs to drop her life in order to snag her own Edward Cullen than the book isn’t to blame, it’s the way her values are being formed. I don’t think enjoying the story of Sleeping Beauty or Twilight is going to damage anyone, provided they realize that it is only fiction.

Which it is. It’s only a story. A multi-billion dollar earning story, but it is just the imagination of one person all the same.

xxx

Ps. I realize I’ve left out the specificities of film in the post. Mainly bc I am still bitter that I haven’t been able to bribe a single friend or family member into seeing New Moon with me yet. Having such an attractive cast obviously helps it’s popularity. Although I prefer Rob Pattinson in real life since I like my boys looking all sexy disheveled and like they haven’t seen a shower in days. But it gets teen hearts a fluttering and older women blushing over the idea that they are old enough to be his mother and that sells. 

To Write Love On Her Arms

Each year, it is estimated that one million people die from suicide. Or, one death every 40 seconds. (World Health Organisation) 90% of all suicides are associated with mental health disorders, particularly depression and substance abuse.

This is not a pleasant subject to talk about. It is not a subject that is actually spoken about, despite the numerous articles and media stories that you hear. And it disgusts me that something so serious is still seen as a ‘taboo’ subject and that there are so many stigmas attached to the cause.

People who self harm are not “emo’s.” They are not doing it for attention. They are not doing it to look edgy or mysterious. They are not doing it to die. If you are a male who self harms, you are not gay or weak or pathetic.

People who self harm do so as a coping mechanism to cope with some sort of internal pain. It is usually in conjunction with other issues such as depression, eating disorders or abuse. Self injury becomes an addiction in itself and as such, it is almost impossible to ‘just stop.’ Just like you cannot “just snap out of it” when you are suffering from depression.

Where did all these myths and misconceptions and stigmas come from? Words like ‘the looney bin’ can hurt. Words like ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho’ sting. Mental illness is a huge problem in our society and people are still ashamed to seek help because they fear they will be judged by those around them. It is fucked up.

 

Things I Love Thursday

• Freshly squeezed watermelon and strawberry juice. I’m not really a fan of juice, but I seriously spend a minimum of $20 on this drink a week
• This is one of the sweetest things I’ve seen in a while. If this Chihuahua puppy, who was born with only two legs,  was in Sydney, she’d be mine!
• The best online fashion magazines. I heart I Love Fake
• Fumie Sasabuchi is a Japanese illustrator who draws spooky skeletons & things on fashion photographs. Freakin awesome.
• Can’t afford to buy a Chanel bag? Make your own!
• Sick of the mail being just bills and stuff from Ebay that looked so good in the photo but is really just a pile of plop? Postcrossing sounds awesome.
• What happens when you give a bunch of artists the same figurine and tell them to use their imagination? Meet The Schaffas
• Are you a foodie? Check out the gourmet goodies you can make here. Nom nom!
• Speaking of food, ever wondered how billionaires ate?
• We all know celebs and models are photoshopped to perfection but what about images we see in the news? 10 images that took retouching too far.
• Get your tissues ready. 6 year old girl diagnosed with brain cancer leaves hundreds of love letters for her parents to find after she has died.
• More cancer, but you wont need tissues, just a punching bag. 15 year old girl suspended from school for cancer charity fundraising.
• I’m dying to see the documentary by Sara Ziff, Picture Me, which chronicles her life as a fashion model and is sort of an expose on the dirtier side of the industry.
• The women of the rockstars of the 60’s and 70’s. Thursday 26^th November is the opening night of Patti Boyd’s photography exhibition ‘Through The Eyes Of A Muse’ here in Paddington, Sydney. Who wants to come with me?!!

xxx

Ohmigod She’s Nakie!

Abby Lee Kershaw is one of my favourite models atm. (Lots of Aussie model mentions on ein blog lately. Co-incidence? Maybe. Or maybe bc aussie girls are HOT ye-aah!) Err, anyhow, while I was searching for hig res images of the title photo, I stumbled across this post by blogger Sassi Sam where she mentions nudity in fashion shoots.

My brain started tick tocking into forming my own opinion. I’ve touched on the subjects of sex, fashion and porn before but I thought I’d do a more in-depth post anyways. Because I can. And nothing is on TV right now.

Despite the fact that it is fashion, these sorts of images aren’t always taken to sell clothing. Who would have thought! Not all fashion magazines are ‘buy this, buy that.’ These photos are for a certain type of publication that celebrates fashion and fashion photography as an art form. They use editorials that help evoke a certain mood.

In the editorial the title image comes from, a few shots see Abby naked sans for a pair of leather gloves, black thigh high boots and some metallic paint down her back. So freakin what. We notice the accessories, don’t we? Plus, if I had her body I’d be wearing boots with nothing else too.

PURPLE fashion magazine or The Last magazine is not Cosmo or Shop Till You Drop. You don’t read these types of magazines to give you an idea of what is in the shops at the moment that you could buy to wear to an upcoming garden barbeque. These ‘alternative’ fashion mags are about celebrating the more avant-guarde, the more offbeat. Like I said before, it is more about art than it is ‘how to dress for the race’s.’

To me, these magazines represent fantasy. In the same way that you hear people whinging about Vogue or Harpers Baazar featuring $6000 Balmain jackets in their fashion spreads. Sure, some people do buy these things and sure some people do want to wear a harness type bra that bears their nipples but MOST people don’t. We need to stop being so literal when it comes to fashion magazines. The Balmain jacket isn’t there to make us angry we don’t have a spare grand or two to splash out on clothing. It is there to showcase the designer’s creativity, to inspire us and to shed a light on upcoming trends that no doubt will be copied and stocked at your local chain store in mere minutes.

These nude photos aren’t about selling sex. It’s not playboy. It’s arty-farty fashion for open minded people who can appreciate seeing Heremes heels worn by the beautiful people.

People need to chill when it comes to seeing nudity in their fashion. If you don’t like it, don’t look. It’s seriously that simple. Stick to Woman’s Day or something and stop whining.

Here endeth the rant.

xxx

I Love Gemma Ward AKA why do non-models have to look like models anyways?

Who else read yesterday’s article on Gemma Ward and felt their insides churn? Something about her having no plans to return to modelling and cryptically refering to a set of recent photographs of her in NYC where she looks “healthy”. These are the images the article refers too btw.

This isn’t the first time Gemma’s weight gain has raised eyebrows. In January, some paparazzi photos emerged of on a Byron Bay holiday, in a bikini.   I was browsing some forums to see what people were saying about the current crop of paparazzi shots and it got my blood boiling. Yes, she has gained weight. SO WHAT?!

The Ward family, including Gemma and her model-turned-writer sister Sophie, are all tall and naturally slim. There are two major things going on here:
1. She is no longer 16
2. She is no longer modeling

I will guarantee that a 22 year old girl’s body is going to be different from that of a 16 year old. Open any fashion magazine circa 2005 and Gemma’s ethereal face will be staring back at you, along with her 16 year old body. As a model, she is going to be exercising and eating a specific diet in order to keep her limbs toned and her stomach flat, no matter how thin she naturally is. Without the pressure of maintaining a job based on her figure, it’s no wonder she eased up a bit on her strict regime. I mean, come on, wouldn’t you?!

Gemma doesn’t want to model at the moment, she wants to focus on acting. Have you seen The Black Balloon, the Aussie film she was in? I usually cannot stand Australian films but I watched this, just to see Gemma, and I loved it. Her performance was nothing less than brilliant and I have no doubt that she can carve a successful career for herself if she wants to.

Even if she were to return to modeling, she would never look exactly the same as she did when she was 15 and opening runway shows for the likes of Hermes or Chanel. Right this second, she could not return to modeling. She is not the correct size for high fashion. I am not saying this for people to get their knickers into a bundle over and yell at me about embracing all shapes and sizes, I’m merely stating the truth. AT THE MOMENT the fashion industry hires very thin girls as their models. It is just the way it is. The fact that you think it is wrong has nothing to do with it. Gemma herself does not want to be involved with the fashion industry right now. Herego she has relaxed her diet and excerise routines in order to enjoy the rest of what the world has to offer. She has not said ‘never again’, just at the moment. We should respect her wishes and let her live her life however she wants it. Weight is not the most important thing in the world.

I realize that posting this is just adding more debate to the issue, but I love her too much to just stay silent and not send my 2cents worth of support into the world wide web. Gemma is a beautiful girl and she always will be, regardless of her size. So, to celebrate all things Gemma Ward, I’ll share with you my favourite editorial of hers where, to me, she represents everything about an Australian summer and she is utterly breathtaking…

The High School Reunion

 “My parents keep asking how school was. It’s like saying, ‘How was that drive-by shooting?’ You don’t care how it *was*, you’re lucky to get out alive.” – Angela Chase, My So Called Life

On Friday night my boyfriend went to his 5 year high school reunion. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the only schools that I know who organize the 5 year shindig seem to be the private schools of Sydney’s eastern suburbs. Anyways, it reminded me of Rachel Hills’ post about high school reunions and brought up my own issues related to these sorts of events.

When the time came for my own 5 year high school reunion, I was living in Los Angeles. I can’t put into words how happy I was that I wasn’t able to attend and that I had the best excuse in the world with being overseas, but I’ll try.

5 years on from high school means nothing. Sure, you’ve changed a bit. But chances are, you will still be friends with some of the people from school. I still saw girls I went to school with on the streets, in the shops, out at bars and clubs on the weekends. It seems like half my grade went to the same university as me and three girls actually did do the same degree as me after we graduated for fuck’s sake!

There was no face book when the time rolled around 5 years after my high school graduation. Damn I feel old! We had Myspace and msn and emails and things, so it was similar but it just further cements my feelings that the 5 year reunion is totally unnecessary, especially now. My facebook friends list includes a bunch of girls I went to high school with. At any given moment, I can click on them and see what they are up to nowadays. At 23, why the hell do I want to reunite with them, especially given that I was the type of person who was overjoyed to be out of high school and would never have to see them again.

Everyone has the same story. Especially if you have come out of the Sydney private school system. You’d finished uni or were just about to finish. You’d worked part time during your degree in retail/hospitality. You’d travelled overseas for a bit. You were in a long term, grown up relationship or had just gotten out of one. You were either living out of home with flat mates or still living at home wishing you were out. You were working in some entry level position at one firm or another, well on your way to climbing that career ladder.

One of my friends from another school who graduated when I did was torn about going to his 5 year reunion. I urged him not too; that it would only make him sad but he didn’t listen. And guess what? His depression worsened after the event. Like me, he didn’t particularly enjoy high school and, like me, he wasn’t one of the typical eastern suburbs private school graduates. When you are feeling lost in the world, unsure of what you want to do and questioning yourself with things like ‘who am I?’ , being surrounded by these types of people is excruciating. I can’t put it into words very effectively, but it is something like having salt rubbed into wounds. Almost like a stamp branding you as the loser who can’t get your act together, living on the outskirts of society. You feel like a failure because you haven’t achieved what they have. And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t want the same things they do, somehow the feeling still seeps in and taints you.

I understand the 10 year reunion. Enough time has passed for things like babies and marriages and deaths and career changes and crazy, wacky adventures. Even things like serious illnesses, rehab, sexuality changes and bankruptcy. Furthermore, you are so far removed from the person you were at 17 that it simply doesn’t matter anyways.

A lot of my readers are still in high school, so I know this post mightn’t be relevant and it just makes me feel old as hell but whatevs. When I was in high school, I remember imagining my reunion as a chance for me to rock up and show everyone how awesome I’d become since being free from their dumb rules and theories. I was excited to prove my point that things like calculus or Pythagoras’s theorem IS a total waste of time and isn’t needed in the real world. I was going to be a visual ‘fuck you’ to everyone I went to high school with.

Have you been to a high school reunion before? What do you think it will be like?

xxx

Crooked Teef

Until last week, I hadn’t been to the dentist for about 7 years. That last time, Dr Dentist informed me that I needed to have a tooth removed and why not just do it now? Now, I know no one likes pain so the only excuse for my behavior is that my teenage hormones were in over drive because after he told me, I screamed, jumped off the chair and fled into the bathroom, locking the door behind me and begun crying hysterically, refusing to open the door. 30mins later, the dentist, his assistant, the secretary, my mother and an elderly woman from the waiting room coaxed me out by promising we could do it in a week or so that I would be adequately prepared.  *hides head in embarrassed shame*

Apparently, one of my molars was still a baby tooth and there was no adult tooth underneath to push it up and out so it needed to be removed so the rest of my teeth could grow properly. Or something. I was given the option of just leaving the empty gap alone (it wouldn’t affect my speech, how I ate or change the appearance of my smile since it was at the back of my mouth) or I could put in a fake tooth, first by drilling and then by gluing and sanding. Considering my (over)reaction at the news of mouth pain, I chose to leave it. So yes, I have a tooth-sized gap in my molars where I can run my tongue through and show people when I’m drunk to freak them out.

Anyways, last week, I finally went to the dentist again. To my surprise, my teeth weren’t in the worst condition. Very minor faults actually. Today I went back and had a small cavity filled and I can report there were no tantrums or tears. (It actually surprised me how little having a needle inserted into my gum hurt. Imagine that.) And Dr. Dentist started talking about what to do next. Bleaching I’m totally down with. White teeth are pretty and very Hollywood and look healthy. But then he started talking about fixing up some of my front teeth.

I have strange teeth. They are small and pointy and one of them is a little wonky and leans to the side and looks like it only ever half grew. They have always reminded me of Kate Moss’s teefies, which are slightly crooked and odd but have a charming quality to them. Plus, having something similar to that of Kate Moss is kinda cool. I’ve loved her ever since she started modeling in the early 90s and I was a wee young thing. Besides, my teeth are mine. They suit me.

Would I to get them fixed up, I assume they’d just be even and straight and err, like most other peoples. The thing that irks me is the fact that my smile would change. I’ve had this smile for 25 years now, would I still look like me without my tiny, odd shaped teeth?

Do I keep my little teefies and spare the (assumed) pain of getting them fixed? Or do I just do it and make the leap of changing a part of myself to look like everyone else and conform to our society’s standard of a beautiful smile? Opinions?

xxx

ps. Speaking of teeth, My Milk Toof is seriously the cutest thing ever.

Blog Awards

I’ve been given a stack of blog awards recently so I thought I’d put them all together in one post so you, dear readers, can find out more about me. Me me me!!!

The gorgeous Alex from Shut Up, Vita gave me this cute blog award.  And then so did Emily…

 

I need to list 7 random things about myself. So:

1. I wanted to do yesterday’s blog post about the Melbourne Cup and my feelings of dissatisfaction towards it but I was just too tired. So I used something I’d written earlier in the week.
2. I can’t stand my nails not being painted dark colours.
3. I need a new mobile phone. The back of mine is currently sticky taped together so the battery doesn’t keep falling out.
4. I get really excited when it’s a new month bc I can change the calendar over to a new picture! I have a kitten calendar atm that my boyfriend’s mum gave us for Christmas last year.
5. I am currently downloading the latest episode of Dexter.
6. I’m almost at the end of my laser hair removal sessions on my underarms and bikini line. The pain and money spent is so amazingly worth it, I have no idea why I didn’t get it done sooner!
7. I have an embarrassing love/hate curiosity about Peaches Geldof.

I need to pass this along to 7 bloggers, so here we go:

1. This Wheel’s On Fire
2. Hey! Teenager Of The Year
3. Zanita
4. Gloria’s Jeans
5. Katie Senior
6. Wine In The Afternoon
7. Love More

This little bloggy award was given to me by the gorgeous Tina:  

1. Where is your cell phone: In my car. Which my boyfriend drove to work. Oops.
2. Your hair: Reddish purple brown and wavy. Long.
3. Your mother: Has amazing skin and seriously looks 10 years younger than she is and please please dear lord bless me with these genes!
4. Your father: Has lines etched into his forehead from frowning too much when he worries and concentrates really hard at work.
5. Your favourite food: Pizza
6. Your dream from last night: Didn’t have one
7. Your favourite drink: Fresh watermelon juice
8. Your dream/goal: To be the best mother ever
9. What room are you in: The lounge/dining room. I do have a desk for my laptop but this way I can be extra lazy and watch TV too
10. What are your hobbies: Sleeping!  
11. What is your fear: Dyiing alone and not being found for a while
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years: Married or engaged with plans for kidlets and a regular writing job. How odd, 6 years ago it was probably the same thing!
13. Where were you last night: Err, exactly where I am now. Blogging on the couch.
14. Something you are not: Competitive
15. Muffins: Meh
16. Wish list items: Hot pink lipstick from YSL, this jacket by None The Richer, more scented candles
17. Where did you grow up: Sydney, Australia.
18. Last thing you did: Cuddled the cat. Or tried too.
19. What are you wearing: Black yoga pants and an old old Vans Warped tour t-shirt with holes in it.
20. Your TV: Is big and I love it
21. Your pets: Black & white cat called Sid Vicious and a Chihuahua cross called Bella who lives with my dad
23. Your life: Is suddenly busy
24. Your mood: Tired as fuck but yay for 4 day weekends!
25. Missing someone: Always
26. Vehicle: Silver 2000 Mitsubishi Mirage called Mimi
27. Something you’re not wearing: Shoes
28. Your favourite store: Can I say Chanel? Ok, Urban Outfitters
29. Your favourite colour: Blaaaack
30. When’s the last time you laughed: Today at work
31. When’s the last time you cried: A couple of nights ago. I was really stoned and I saw a photo of the dog I shared my childhood with and I started to miss her
32. Your best friend: Is LaLa!

I’m going to pass this one along to one of my real life best friends who has started her own blog, A Fatal Attraction To Cuteness. Which is good bc she’s very opinionated and hilariously funny.

And lastly, the final blog award was passed on to me by the uber talented Juliette who has keeps the most magical blog, Where The Wild Wolves Dream.

Aww, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy with the love. Are you feeling it?

xxx

Mean Girls

Part of life is learning from your mistakes. Another part of life is the inevitable ending of friendships. Some friendships end amicably; you both grow up and follow different paths. There are no hard feelings, no grudges. And with all the social media networks around, you can still keep in touch from a distance, follow their travels and successes and wish them well.

Then there are the friendships that end badly. We’ve all had them. Heated words and hurt feelings, someone who used to know your inner most thoughts is now the last person you want to be around. I am not the type of person to hold grudges or anger towards another person for a long time. Most of my friendships that have ended badly I now look at rather wistfully, choosing to focus on the good times that we had and not the bad. I still wish these girls the very best and really, truly hope that they are happy.

For some people though, badly ended friendships turn into something worse. I am thinking of high school type bitching, name calling, anonymous text messages and spreading rumors. I have one of these. And it is not nice. I ended a friendship over a year ago after this “friend” betrayed me in a way that I still haven’t forgiven. Despite me cutting off all contact with this girl, she has contacted me several times through face book and text messages with false allegations and completely bogus accusations. Her opinions of me have affected another friendship that I have and it’s not cool.

I always think of the word ‘enemy’ as something that belongs to comic book characters and action movies. I never really applied it to myself, but I suppose I could have one. Two actually. One that I deserve and one, the situation I cryptically described above that is not deserved.

I once acted like a horrible biatch; a real mean, mean girl. And I deserve her hatred. I can cop that. For the rest of her life, she will remember me and what I did to her, regardless of the fact that I was drunk at the time and did eventually apologise. It really doesn’t matter; the truth is that I really hurt her. But does that warrant her publically calling me names? Swearing at me? Using my insecurities as fodder for her to tease and ridicule me? To prank call me and send anonymous, cruel text messages?

Some people will deal with pain by lashing out on others. Other people will internalize it. I belong in the latter category and it makes it hard for me to really understand why this girl needs to put me down, years later, in order to make herself feel better.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a guy. They don’t seem to send hateful messages or gossip behind people’s backs to spread rumors. It sucks that these things seem to be intwined with being female and all I can hope is that it ends with age. Because so far, it hasn’t.

xxx